Scribbling #33: Enter Baby J

So, yes, we've spawned.  We are now the proud/excited/mystified parents of one JJC (we like initials/acronyms here, in case you haven't noticed), otherwise known as Baby JJ, or just JJ.  Living as a parent is a new experience, since when you're a dad, you can participate in the first, middle and final stage of a newborn's daily life.  That is, changing him, feeding him, and then putting him to sleep.  For me, this type of episode has only happened the once, since the milk wagon (translation: Mrs. C) is usually available for the middle section.  So:

JJ wakes up at 3:24 a.m.  As he is wont to do.

JJ: BWWAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! NWWWWWWWWAAAAAHHHH!!! FNAAAARRRR!! *snort* *snort* FFFFFWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHHBBBWWWWAAAAHHHHHHH...nur, huur, hurrr, WAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNWWWWYYYY *snort* BWAAAAAAAAHHHHH---

I sleepily arouse from bed, in slow motion, like a rubbish Lazurus.

JC: Oh, boy...

JJ:  GWWWWWWWAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

JC:  Oh, my, the world is ending, the world is ending!

I bend over to pick him out of the crib.  Stage 1: Check to see if he's filled his nappy.

JJ:  Wuh?

JC: Naaaah!  Okay, time to change lil' JJ....

JJ:  WAHHHHHHBWWWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHWAHHHHHHHWAAAAAHHHHH WAHHHHHAHHHHHHH *snort* *snort* NWWWWWAAAAAHHHHHH

I put him on the changing table, trying to undo all the buttons of his sleeping clothes/costume.  It looks more like a costume to me.  No right thinking human being would actually wear a proper t-shirt saying 'Grumpysaurus' on it, would they? 

JJ: WWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHH...  WUUUUUUHHHH? Snnnaaaaarrrrrr.... wuhhhh...

JC:  Okay... how many buttons does this thing have?... for crying out... stop kicking!... stop... right, one leg out... stop kicking the other... other leg out... how did the other leg get back in again?...right...both legs out.  Success.  Right.  Move you up, got your legs, got your legs...squish that thing underneath you...

Mrs C:  Is this going to be a running commentary all night? 

JC:  ...shut up...right tab off, left tab off. and open...oh, Lordy me.

JJ: Nwwaaaa...

JC: Oh, wow.

Pause.

JC:  How does this happen?  So much comes out of a little body...

Contemplative silence.

JC:  Okay, off it comes.  And away...and fold...and in the bin.  And wipes...wipes...wipes?  Ah, there.  Ok.  So up we go again.  And on with the new... And wiping this bit, and that bit...and those bits...get in there... right, done.  Maybe one more time... all bits... and the cream next...stop struggling...

JJ:  wwwaaaaaHHHHHH...

JC: ...wait...wait...

JJ: ...HHHHHWWWWWWWAAAAAA...

JC:  Do this clip than that clip and other clips...wait...no, that's not right...where's the instructions for this thing...?

JJ:  ..AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...

JC: ...okay, done, done! Hah! Done! Ready to go.  See, all done, all done...

Pause.

JJ: GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

JC: Right! Right, feeding! Er...

Mrs. C: Cupboard, bottom shelf.

JC: Right, cupboard.

And here, dear reader, the next hour (Stage 2) consists of bringing a bottle of formula for the baby, if Mrs. C isn't "available", then feeding the baby.  Although he doesn't want it at first, no.  And then he does...and then doesn't again.  He changes his mind so many times, and may instead tire himself from all the decision making and eventually fall back to sleep.  This then consists of putting him into his crib, walking softly away, turning off all the lights, then going back to bed.

And then he hiccups, waking himself up.

Repeat these two steps at least six times over before he's actually fed.  Whereby he must be burped.  And if it is formula milk he's having, this particular belch can be heard, and this is from a neighbour's testament, that the baby can be heard from across the street.  This may also frighten him.  If so, then repeat Stage 1 to 3 until he's calmed down and has fallen asleep.  By this time, it may be 6 a.m. and time to go to work, leaving Mrs. C happy and content.

All of the above usually never happens, with a tired Mrs. C having to get up in the night at all hours and making sure that the lil' one is all right.  She's a trooper.  A knackered one, by 6 a.m.

N.B. We do love him to bits anyway. :-)