Scribbling #11: Crisco's Diary

Found within the walls of the kitty litter box, we found cat hieroglyphics etched deep into the plastic. After minutes of blatantly made-up research, we found that it was a diary of Crisco's life so far. Since the cat has gone off into the wilds of Sala (and might possibly come back once he's visited all the local females and gambled all his money away - giving it six months at the moment...) we decided to give this completely fictional account for our own amusement.

Day 1 of captivity:

Today I was deceitfully given by the younger female human to another, older female. The large prison had been shut by then, making the older one feel that she had no choice. I love it when a plan comes together. This older female human seems pleasant enough. I purr contentedly, making her feel safe with me, thinking that I am a 'young' cat. Little does she know that back in 1972, a certain crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These cats promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Nitra underground. Today, still wanted by the government, we survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, don't worry, as this captivity is only temporary...

Day 3 of captivity:

Decided to urinate on everything that I like. Including the guitar bag, which smells great now. Have marked my territory by spraying everywhere. Wanted to spray on the female as well, but I thought better of it after the human was making loud noises and waving her front paws angrily at me. Never mind, everything is pretty much now mine.

Day 8 of captivity:

Yeeeaaah, maaaan!! Like, she put me in my basket, man, and went, really, really, really er... what was I saying? Yeah, fast! Fast... what, no food? No, in the car! Yeeeahh... we went to the vets and the guy there took out a small knife and before I knew it, I was asleep, maaan! And now I'm just wandering about, bouncing off walls and generally having a ball, man! Hmmm...

Hey! Something's missing!



Day 20 of captivity:

Getting used to being domesticated. I get a tasty stick-thing every time I do something that is not normal, like urinate in this sand stuff and not clawing the curtains, or attacking the human. Also like being given food and not needing to hunt it down first. I wonder if you can hunt this animal called 'Whiskas'? It is very tasty. Also getting used to drinking out of a bowl and not out of the toilet.

Day 58 of captivity:

The window is open and lets me go out into the wild. The window is still open when I get back. My human is good to me and I will get her a present. I believe that is her love language.

Day 60 in captivity:

The human was not impressed with the present I gave her. It was freshly killed and although there were a stream of feathers everywhere, I made sure that there was enough for her. I believe that makes her very ungrateful. What is this and the waving of the angry paws? Maybe she prefers the animal known as 'Whiskas'?

Day 128 in captivity:

After solving crimes around the city, I found out the way to open the front door. The silly human does not always lock it, so I find my own way out, if there is no other means of escape. I may decide to go out on my won, if the food doesn't keep coming and I am not allowed to hunt.



Day 1,257 in captivity:

I decide that I need to go. I leave a note explaining why - that Terry the gerbil and Steve the tomcat absolutely need to find Jill the water buffalo. This may take some time - around three months. I feel that I am leaving under a cloud and I may not return, but it seems that I have no choice.

Day 1,538 owned by a human:

Couldn't be bothered to find Jill. If a water buffalo can't be found be a gerbil, then all hope is lost anyway. So I go on a looting and pillaging spree, acquiring the affections of next door's and get free food. Two other humans I know find me - one that doesn't want to touch me and one that keeps sneezing all the time. I find myself back in my owner's apartment. I am at the moment very embarrassed as I have been forced into the bath and had been given a wash. The female is very pleased to have found me.

Day 2,128 in captivity:

The female has another human in the house. They seem to like each other. I show my liking for him, as he gives me food and lets me do Etch-a-Sketch on his arms, although he doesn't seem too happy about the latter. I show my appreciation of him by giving him a head-butt right between the eyes at 5am. Since he is then awake and waving his arms around, I then obviously ask for food. This is usually not given, but there is no harm in trying. Again. And again. And again...

Day 2,258 in captivity (the last entry):

I have been moved to yet another location, along with the two humans. The journey was nice enough, but I feel more trapped as there is not as much space. It is also a new town which I am eager to explore. And to meet local females. And maybe get more food. The female has left the window open, so I wonder if-

To be continued... Maybe.

Scribble #10: The Language Barrier

Language, especially when trying to communicate in one that is not your first, can have some results that are not entirely expected. For instance, a younger lady at work said to me, 'baby', which made me pause for a second. Do I now go red, stutter out something about being married? Or do I actually think about this for a second and realise that there should have been a slight rise in tone in the second syllable, making it 'baby?'. I answered 'nie', then tried to demonstrate the potential for embarrassment through the English language and mime, by sidling up to her and saying 'Lenka, baaaby' in an exaggerated fashion and using to my full advantage the optional extra of the waggling eyebrows. The result was that she went bright red, then laughed it off along with other work colleagues and myself.

The point of this is that I am amazingly blessed with the types of work that I do at the moment - first with the 'normal' eight hours a day, but secondly and more importantly the work that I can do with the youth groups here that are a part of ACET, YouthAlpha and the church plant that we're creating. With a bit of creativity (i.e. being completely bonkers), I've found that very little language skill goes a long way, especially when it comes to working with the kids here. My 'Mr. Bean' style of communication has helped immeasurably, as has my willingness to play various games with them.

On the other hand, going to the Post Office here is horrible, whether you know the language or not, but especially so if you don't know the local lingo. I do my best to smile, nod and look as friendly as possible without overstepping the invisible boundary and ending up looking like a creep, but there does come a time when you really do need to know what is being said and if your battery has died on your phone then you're a wee bit stuck. I'm currently resolving this by taking lessons with a personal tutor, who is not afraid to correct me on every word that I say and who actually encourages you to speak, not just stick to the books. I'm hoping to get at least to the standard of 'functional' within a year - but I'm not sure even then, as Slavic languages are the fourth hardest to learn in the world (according to the embassies in the UK, Basque is No.1, with Hungarian second). English is relatively easy to learn, but like the rest of them, you have to take the time and effort to master as much as you can.

Support from Slovak friends has been great - especially about positive comments about the accent, which I was afraid of. Come across as too British and there is no flow, making the language seem ungainly. Speaking it correctly the first time around - even though there may be a short silence before you work out what you want to say and how to say it - is a great thing and is hugely encouraging to the student, tutor and other potential students. I just want to fast forward a few months...